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  • Writer's pictureDeborah Hallam

VULNERABILITY

Sweaty palms, feeling tongue tied, the desire to run in the opposite direction or being frozen with fear are all effects feeling vulnerable has had on me.

Lack of trust has been at the core of my experiences around vulnerability – lack of trust in myself to make a good decision, lack of trust in others, lack of trust in the outcome, lack of trust in the journey.


Brene Brown has a tonne of thoughts about vulnerability – the one I have shared here appealed to me because as I reflect on when I have felt vulnerable it has generally been on the cusp of these same things.

Intuition, gut feeling, instinct – call it what you will, this is what I have had present since I was young and has helped me to address my lack of trust in times when the feeling of vulnerability bubbled up. Noticing my intuitive feeling around things good or bad, has aided me in understanding when I feel intuitively that all will be well.


Vulnerability has been and continues to be a big theme for me in my life. My early years in particular provided many valid reasons not to trust. So I had to start to trust me instead. I refer to one such occasion in my latest newsletter, even though at the tender age of 10 it may have been easier for me to make a different choice, I harnessed my vulnerability and trusted that what I needed from the decision I made was more important.


Trusting myself has also meant that I have had to trust the bigger picture, I call that the Devine, insert your own word here. When confronted with vulnerability I have to reach within for the intuitive hit, what feels right, what doesn’t? Some great advice I also lean on if it feels right is “If in doubt, do nothing”. For me that doesn’t suggest that we ought to stagnate out of fear from our feelings of vulnerability. But what it does suggest is that space and time is needed to get clear in the quiet of going within. Then take the appropriate action.

There have been times when I have done nothing after pondering my vulnerability and searching for the answer within my intuition. In those moments, doing nothing has been the correct action at the time. Taking an action (when I ruled out doing nothing) has led me on some terrific life journey’s, has connected me with some fabulous people, and has really enriched my life. Every time I say hello to vulnerability and connect within and take the right action for me, I create an imprint in a library I can refer back to.


Taking action in vulnerability may not be a regular occurrence, so when it crops up I can remind myself of the times I practiced working with my own intuition and acted accordingly and reflect on how things panned out.


Not knowing how things will pan out has been a big feature for me around vulnerability. Honing the skill in harnessing the not knowing and turning it into a sense of wonder at the possibility has always stabilised the not knowing. Mostly I get a bit giddy with not knowing because when I go with my intuition to take an action to do something, often beautiful things unfold.


Not knowing, taking an action to do something and getting a result that wasn’t the positive one can knock you about. There have been times when I have questioned everything all over again. What I have learned is that I if reflect on how things began, that moment I made the best decision I could, it helps me to accept the result, even if it takes time. For the most part these days I get to acceptance, I hold myself in grace and I keep going, trusting myself again – eventually even seeing the gift in the outcome I didn’t expect or want.


Vulnerability has helped me to get to know myself better, to trust in me, to take a leap of faith when that is the right action, into the unknown, and harness a sense of wonder at what could be.


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